I have not yet fallen into a ditch. Which might be surprising to some people, who know me.

Short life update:

The past two weeks I was first very busy finishing an assignment for uni, which of course broke on the night I tried to send it in. I had to fix it and I didn't dare check in with my instructor since handing it in. Then I worked a full week, which is exhausting physically and mentally. The physical exhaustion is just 9 hours of physical labour. I'm saying just because that is what I signed up for with this job, I knew what I was getting into and I'm fine with it. The mental part is a mix of constantly learning new things, bad organisation in the company and that one coworker I don't get along with at all. This I'm not fine with.

In theory I have an idea how to handle this coworker, keeping my distance for example and just doing my job as my boss tells me too. But it's all not that simple and not that easy to actually do. Oh the joy of living with your coworkers for most of the week. From dawn till dusk around the same group of people and one of them keeps giving me unclear instructions and then gets pissed off, when I ask for clarification.

Fandom Update:

I'm still reading Leeward by Katie Daysh and it's still really fucking good. I'm almost through with it and I love every bit of it. There is just one little issue - not with the book itself - I'll have to face in the near future. My mum wants to read it too and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that. The romance is taking it's sweet time and I love that, but this way I can't tell which way it might go and if it might get explicit. Do I really want to share that with my mum? On the other hand it would be fun to see how fast she figures the plot out.

In other news I found a Much Ado About Nothing adaptation I didn't know yet. It's Much Ado by Bernard Taylor a musical version, available as a studio recording. The music is beautiful and I like Beatrice but I'll have to listen to it a few more times to get a real opinion.

I'm also taking part in the Unsent Letters Exchange 2025! There are many requests that fit my offers so I'm excited about what I'll get assigned tomorrow. Sadly one prompt I really hoped for didn't appear in any requests: a preteen girl in a zombi apocalypse writing to no one specifically. Have a title - Taylor's Rules to Surviving Hell - and rough plot ready to go, so I might write it some other time.

I really want to finish the fics I write. I have so many ideas, there are always new ones, I take notes and write some scenes and plot but they never get finished. I took part in a fic exchange that really helped me with it, at least for this one fic. Now I've got my hopes up I might find a way to manage that with my longer projects too. But I really don't know how to work on a long term project consistently. Maybe I should start slowly? And start with shorter fic ideas I have laying around?

Or maybe I'm overthinking it (as usual) and should just do the thing. but how

It's difficult though, or at least I find it difficult, to sit there on my own trying to figure everything out with zero feedback or anyone to discuss my ideas with. I have tried discussing my ideas with friends in the fandoms I try to write for. They are mostly excited about the chance of fanfiction but not exactly helpful in figuring  out plot points, beta reading etc.

The big exception are my Emergency! friends, they are enabling gremlins and they know it. The thing is, E! is one of the less inspiring fandoms for me, and I'd love to know people from other fandoms like I do among the E! folks.

After sharing some of my thoughts about Much Ado About Nothing and getting prompted to share more thoughts about it I've got even more.

Long story short: I think Beatrice is an heiress cause she doesn't worry about her (financial) future, her family can't tell her what to do and she can step into a lot, but not all, male coded spaces. And then I just threw in there that I think Benedict is a disaster bi without explaining it any further.

Why do I think that Benedict is a disaster bi?

Part of it is probably whishful thinking. There is also the phenomenon that homosocial spaces easily transform into homoerotic spaces. Benedict comes directly from the army, arguably one of the (historically) most homosocial spaces there is. Then there is the fact that he makes it pretty clear that he'd rather spend the rest of his days with his fellow bachelors. But, as is implied, he keeps losing those fellow bachelors probably to marriage.

Then there is this thing that Shakespeare keeps doing in many of his plays, where he has people wooed by proxy. In the case of Much Ado we have the following:

• Don Pedro woos Hero for Claudio and strikes the deal with her father
• The women (Hero and Ursula) woo Beatrice for Benedict
• The men (Claudio, Leonato, Don Pedro) woo Benedict for Beatrice

Granted, Claudio asks Don Pedro for his help and Beatrice and Benedict don't want any help cause in there eyes there is no problem. A fourth one could be added:

• Leonato convinces Claudio to marry his "brother's daughter" (who no one thinks could be Beatrice, therefore confirming my point that Antonio is not Beatrice's father) after Hero's "death"

So in summary the  A Plot: Hero and Claudio, the fairy tale love story, including the dead princess coming back from the dead, is helped along by the very traditional means of 1. two powerful men (Prince Don Pedro and Governor Leonato) arranging a match in the name of their shared friendship and 2. two powerful men arranging a match to make peace.

The B Plot: Beatrice and Benedict, the contrast piece to the fairy tale, with characters who can't even rhyme if their (love) lives dependent on it 1, is helped along by the members of their homosocial spaces. This is not the usual way for how those things go, I don't think that needs much of an argument. I also think that both of them not getting their shit together on their own, explains the disaster part quite nicely. No one arranges anything here directly, both have to be tricked.

Beatrice as I've argued before is in a position where she has no pressure and no one can pressure her to marry. And Benedict is in a similar one 2. He appears to be a self made man through his military career, has no pressure to produce an heir, which probably means that he has no title, land or money to pass down. This is on one hand a form of freedom, not being bound to any duties towards a family or wife, but it comes with certain limitations.

Beatrice can't fight a duel, cause her potential opponent would laugh at her, not accept the duel and any attack would be a crime then.

Benedict can't live an independent life. But haven't I just said he has freedom by being a self made man? Yeah, well. He has made himself a name, he has a position as a military officer, but he seems to have no land or fortune (Claudio mocks him for not having a house) or a title. For money and influence he has to depend on others. At the moment that's Don Pedro and Claudio, who have titles and money. But Beatrice says that "he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat, it ever changes with the next block." which means that Benedict sticks with whoever is useful to him at the moment.

Maybe that's another reason why he is so against having a wife - he can't exchange a wife depending on what he needs at the moment and to support a wife, when she needs the support and can't support him, he would be even more dependent on others.

In the very first scene of the play, around the hat metaphor, Beatrice asks first "Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother." and a few lines down "But, I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?" She asks, who is Benedict's friend right now, because that keeps changing and the messenger answers accordingly:

"He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio."

Just Claudio. Not Claudio and Don Pedro. Claudio is the newest addition to Benedict's ever changing collection of best friends. Don Pedro wouldn't be missed by accident, he is a prince and not just any prince. He was their leader, perhaps their general in the conflict against Don John, his brother. And between the three of them there is clearly a close friend ship, the way they joke and tease, but also a clear hierarchy going on. Don Pedro addresses both Claudio and Benedict as "thou". Claudio uses "my lord" and "you" for Don Pedro but "thou" for Benedict. And Benedict? Benedict addresses them both as "you" and "my lord".

Benedict is clearly at the bottom of the food chain here. But he's also pretty close with both of them. They all get into each other's business all the time.

You know when Benedict uses "thou"? In jest when he's mocking Claudio, when he's talking to Margaret, for Beatrice after his confession to her and at the very end after he kissed Beatrice as a symbolic wedding towards Don Pedro. Don Pedro asks him "How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?" and Benedict answers him from that point onward using "thou". Another point that shows that Beatrice should be an heiress, cause marrying her elevates her husbands station. This also shows that Benedict's station must have been pretty low.

So what the hell was he doing with Don Pedro, Prince of Arragon? How were they friends? Cause even if they are not using "thou" both ways, they are still close. And just marrying a rich woman shouldn't elevate Benedict so far that he is on the same level as The Prince of Arragon. But a close relationship + a fortune worthy of a noble man could do that, maybe? It's also kind of implied that while Benedict is switching friends Don Pedro is not on that list. That a friendship to the Prince of Arragon is hard to replace for someone of Benedict's station is self evident. But what does Don Pedro get out of keeping this guy around, who has neither influence, nor money, nor land?

I know my argument here is weak, a bit overly complicated and born out of wishful thinking, but at the end of the day it just feels right. Benedict and Don Pedro had a thing before Beatrice came along.

And just for the record: Don Pedro is just as much of a disaster in my books. A normal person doesn't go from proposing to someone (II,1 line 702) to setting them up with your bestie in under 5 minutes (II,1 line 724).



1 Just think about it for a moment. Two Shakespeare characters that can't rhyme. And not just any two, one of the most famous couples of his plays from one of the most popular comedies. And they are constantly contrasted with a couple that barely can speak in prose about each other let alone to each other. What do those two couples have in common?

2 There is a point to be made that, while Benedict is a capable military officer, he is also dependent on others. He is friends with a Prince and a Count. He is Signior Mountanto, montanto is a fencing term for an upward thrust. The first thing Beatrice does is calling him an upstart/jump-up/wannabe.

Edit:typos and wording, cause I wrote this in the middle of the night

Guess who managed to delete all her messages. yeah.

If you sent me a message and I didn't respond to it, just try again.

Challenge #7 Wishlist

Three or more things I wish for. This is a tough one - that's what I thought at first and now look at this list. Oh, well.

Let's start with the sensible ones:

1. Good Crossover Recs - I love a good crossover fic as long as I'm into one of the fandoms and it's well written, so if you have any recs for me that would make me so happy!

2. Good Podfics Recs - I'm also a fan of podfics, especially longer ones.

3.  Do you know a fic that explores a relationship? Please tell me, I love that so much. Characters that already know each other, but get to know each other and themselves even better and grow together through hardship? That's my jam and since that's really hard to tag it is really hard to find. In other words I'm always hungry for more.

These are more on the impossible side of things, I'm afraid, but one never knows:

1. I'd love for Like I Like my Coffee by binz and shiplizard to continue. Even unfinished it's one of my favourite fics ever. I first read it ~2018 when I was brand new to the Hornblower fandom and loved it so much. I still do. It's one of the best Modern Day AU's I've ever read. I asked the authors years ago if they have abandoned the fic, but the answer was a firm "no, we are just very stressed irl" which is completely understandable. I'm still worried tho.

2. A podfic/audio drama version of Eye of the Tiger by dolphin_ring , which I'm calling The Reality TV AU in my head, would be great. It doesn't have to be the whole series, one of the parts would be plenty and already a ton of work. I'd even do some of the editing/recording. It's an absolutely brilliant chat/texting fic, which would make it impossible to record as a single person. Andy goes to Survivor and is her usual charming self. Everyone else tries to help.

3. I'd like to find a good beta reader, who gives constructive criticism and advice, especially for the two Harry Potter fics that won't leave me alone, but I also won't get written, without being able to discuss them with someone, who can help me figure that shit out. Any help in finding a beta reader would be greatly appreciated.

Challenge #4 Goals

I want to be more active in fandom spaces in ways that make me happy. I also want to write more.

Those are two big goals I've been carrying around with me since forever. Seriously, I think there was never a time when I was really happy about how I approached those two aspects of my life, even though they've been with me for a long time now. And if anyone tries to tell me "but you joined your first online forum at 15", hush. That's not what I'm talking about.

Writing starts with the attempt to put stories into words. My first story was written down by my mum, I was sitting on the washing machine while we waited for the laundry in the summer before I started school, and I dictated it to her.

Fandom activities starts with talking with your friends about it. Does it matter if you talk about theories for the next part in a series with your friends in school or in a forum or on discord or on dw? Is it really that different to make up scenarios for your beloved characters in your head or to write them down and share them on ao3?

Of course there are differences, but in spirit they are the same thing to me. The biggest difference however are the people. One might be lucky enough to find friends irl that share an interest in some of the same fandoms, but often it doesn't quite match in its entirety. I love my friend H., who likes many shows and books I like, but her taste in fanfiction is ... somewhere between confusing and concerning to me. The internet has so many other ways to find people and interact with people, who have similar interests, it's greats. The problem with both options - irl or online - is that one has to be open with the people around them, has to approach them and risk all the possible downsides of it. The same goes for writing.

To do this successfully I have to allow people to get to know me and that's a struggle. The Ordeal of Being Known, I suppose. (a phrase I learned from a Drarry fic out of all places)

Challenge #5 improvements thanks to fandom

As I mentioned two days ago I was dragged onto the E! discord server. It has been my only regular fandom activity in a while now and I love it there. The people on there got me to write and post a fic on ao3, which considering my history of never finishing anything, is a huge success. They also helped be to learn that new people aren't scary. It sounds weird to my own ears, but I have no other words for it. Some of the people on there also asked me to beta read fics for them and that's a lot of fun.

I think in general I can say the E! server helped me explore what I actually like doing when it comes to fandom activities, instead of doing the things I think I should do, cause I see other people doing them.

Hey! So I haven't been online for a bit, cause life is stressful right now. I owe several people some answers. The only thing I managed is to post on writethisfanfic .
Speaking of which: writethisfanfic is a lovely community for writing motivation specifically for fanfiction. There are daily check in posts, so it's not much of a hassle but keeps reminding me to work on my WIP (could use a few more active members tho).

Another thing I'm excited about it Letters from Watson. The Sherlock Holmes version of Daily Dracula. It's starting properly in the new year, but the Discord server is a joy already and much more accessible between university and work than anything else right now.

It's time for some general life updates.

I signed up for fandomtrees , here is my post ! It's a great idea and I hope it can brighten up my December this year.

I also tried to watch the Russian Sherlock Holmes series from 2013 a few days ago, but I couldn't find it. Admittedly, I didn't look very hard, but I heard some good things about it and wanted to check it out. So, if anyone knows where to find it, could you tell me?

And then, there is my current writing dilemma. I'm still working (slowly but surely) on the Harry Potter time travel fic. Things are moving along in a very chaotic way, but they are moving. I also was inspired for something entirely else. A while ago I had this idea for a Sherlock Holmes/Elementary fic: Joan Watson accidentally ends up in Victorian London, where she meets acd's Sherlock Holmes. I wrote it down for later, so I wouldn't think about it too much. But it seems I can't help it. It's incredibly distracting.

Two random thoughts of today:

1. When I was 12 or 13 years old, watching Stargate like I was paid to do so, I couldn't tell whether I wanted to be Samantha Cater, or wanted to be with her. Somehow it took me a few more years to figure out what that meant.

2. Anne Hathaway - the one from near Stratford-upon-Avon, not the American actress (unless, you know, she is an immortal and they are one and the same person) - was married to the dude, who is best known for sex jokes and killing his whole cast of characters. Can you imagine family dinners with this man? Christmas with the parents? This woman either shared her husband's humour or had (has?) some really strong nerves.
Also, how did Anne tell her parents? His earliest play was Henry VI ~1589, they married in 1582. So she married an aspiring play write with nothing to show for. Cause, what? Cause he was funny?


Also, since sanguinity asked, here comes the fuck/marry/kill chart
(the picture can be opened in better quality)